What Leadership Taught Me About Fatherhood
It’s Father’s Day and everyone globally is picking up the phone to speak to their dad, uncles who took the place of a father, brothers who acted as fathers or friends who assumed a father position.
Fatherhood is an inclusive and multifaceted role that extends beyond biological ties. It encompasses anyone who takes on the responsibility of nurturing and guiding children, including adoptive fathers, stepfathers, and caring figures such as grandparents, uncles, and siblings (1)
Growing up as the only male in my family gave me a canvas on which to paint the man I wanted to become. This painting was inspired by the father figures and uncles around me, most importantly my mother.
Observing how they carried themselves, the mistakes they made, and the victories they won gave me ideas on how to design my future.
As a contract manager, I oversee service providers, negotiate expectations, and ensure performance aligns with outcomes. Surprisingly, this professional role constantly teaches me about my most personal responsibilities—being a father.
Leadership has taught me that the key to growth, whether in a service provider, a child, friends or family members, is not control, but clarity, consistency, and connection. In both roles, I’ve learned that people don’t thrive when you micromanage, but when you set expectations, model integrity, and create space for accountability and learning.
Some Quick Lessons
Clear Expectations Matter: Clarity is kindness. I have learned to be clear about my expectations and values, which drive relationships forward. To showcase how much I care, I owe those around me clarity. Building successful relationships isn’t fixed on guesswork or assumption, but intentionality. I want my kids to know their boundaries, what I approve of and disapprove of, and our family values and future aspirations.
Clear expectations also go with clear communication. I am pushing myself hard to fix dates with family and friends for activities, trips, rather than leaving it in thin air for guess-ta-tion (learned this word from someone)
Leading by example: I can’t ask for accountability at work if I don’t model it. The same goes for my family. For the things they can’t see, I share some of the challenges I encountered and how I dealt with them or current projects I am working on.
Lately, I have been challenging myself to run 5k under 30 minutes, and I get to post my progress on my WhatsApp status so my friends can stay updated.
I am shocked by the impact/influence I have over family and friends when leading by example. Although it looks passive, it is very active in practice.
Creating Safety and not fear: Great leadership creates safety to grow. I welcome mistakes and mostly ask questions that lead to clarity about understanding the root causes of the mistakes and whether some steps can be taken to resolve them.
Something I am learning is to keep asking “Tell me more”, “What else”, “Repeating their last statement” or “Framing their feelings”. The goal isn’t to annoy but to understand.
Legacy > Control: My job is to develop capacity, not to fix every issue. The same applies at home; I have learned to allow people to navigate their paths while offering guidance. Giving them the space to be creative and take ownership of their lives is pure bliss and paradise. I notice my joy in not controlling them; they feel the joy of not being controlled.
I will keep building on this skill so that when I have my kids, they can also learn the art.
Wrap up
Fatherhood is an exciting journey, not a destination. It extends beyond your immediate family and touches the four corners of the earth. I aspire to be a father to many, coaching, modeling, mentoring, and guiding those who wish to experience the love of a father.
There are days when I think about my father, who passed away, and I understand the importance of having someone who can look you in the eye and say, “I am proud of you.”
For those of you with a father figure, cherish and appreciate them. Make the most of their presence in your life.
To all the fathers out there, I am proud of you and I love you.
