What Marriage Taught Me About Leadership Part 1.

Evening walk at Woodbine Beach

Whether leading a team, large or small, or part of a team with a leader, you may be unaware that you are in a professional marriage or partnership.

For 2 years, I have worked as a Contract Manager for a consulting firm focused on workforce development. I manage contracts, lead teams, drive change, translate contracts into operational excellence, and transform lives. This has been a journey that has made me reflect deeply on my purpose in life.

I have been married for 4 years, and it’s been a wonderful experience. There has been so much growth and advancement, personally and collectively, and I know this is just the beginning because I can see there is more to life, more to expect, learn and become.

Depending on what you’ve heard about marriage or experienced in your marriage, some of the points I’d be sharing might resonate or begin to resonate with you, especially if you are excited about leadership (or leading a team).

Bright Reflections

I find that marriage and leadership roles act as mirrors—reflecting one's strengths, capabilities, and uniqueness, as well as one's flaws and weaknesses.

While this reflection can be terrifying, showing up every day and looking at the reflection with hopes and desires to refine the image is such a wonderful feeling.

Everyone carries emotional scar tissue from their past. Certain situations can trigger those traumas in marriage and leadership. Despite how prepared you are, you still get shaken off.

I try to stay grounded whenever I am shaken by asking, “What is it about me feeling upset by this?” This question opens me up to an internal awareness that makes me respond to situations more often than react to them.

In leadership, who you are shapes how you show up for your team, give direction, resolve conflict, and support underperforming team members.

You can’t lead effectively if you don't know who you are. You’ve got to lead yourself before leading others.

Here is a compass I use to guide my behaviour as a husband and a leader. I ask myself, What do you want to be known for?

Growth mindset

My wife inspires me and forces me to grow as a person. She challenged me to do better professionally, physically, spiritually, financially, socially and much more. There were new experiences I had to allow myself to embark on when I realized the trajectory my old self was on wasn’t helpful.

Your team will challenge you to grow in leadership. Embrace the opportunity to address any cracks, flaws, and weaknesses you possess. Leadership is a chance to acquire new knowledge, improve your listening skills, become a better support system, delegate effectively, and resolve problems while maintaining high motivation.

Don’t just fill your calendars with seminars you wouldn’t actively participate in, or buy that recommended book you wouldn’t study and put into practice. Intentionally, walk through the growth path.

As someone eager for growth, I've been fortunate to receive guidance from my previous director, who shared a phrase that inspires hope: “There are no problems; problems are solutions waiting to happen.” Adopting this mindset has made me highly optimistic both as a husband and a leader. It brings me a sense of calm, wonder, and curiosity.

Vision Casting & Translating Vision

Marriage is the union of two people with diverse visions, wants, and needs. Most friction in marriages results from a lack of vision or inefficiencies in communicating an existing vision.

Some of the quarrels my wife and I had were due to our not understanding each other’s perspectives on a subject. Sometimes, we get defensive without knowing the other person is looking out for our interests. We’ve done better at communicating our needs, expectations, and desires.

The same goes for leading a team. I have seen situations where you tell team member A to B, and after a while you notice Team Member A did Z. These situations make you wonder how the communication got lost in translation.

A leader’s role is beyond assigning tasks. It involves translating the vision into concrete steps and giving team members space to express it in their own language, fostering a sense of ownership.

Wrap Up

Leadership has gained importance lately because many people are now fully aware of its influence on people's lives, both positive and negative, much like marriage.

Dreams can be shaped, formed, drained, or destroyed. Additionally, individuals face risks to their income while their mental health may suffer.

The world needs better leaders just as it needs better husbands. As a transformational coach, I am excited to help you achieve success in both areas

I am also curious to hear from you about your thoughts and experience on this topic.